Ok, so where did I leave off yesterday? Oh yeah, we decided needed help. So, we started to see a fertility specialist- also known as a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). As these sorts of specialists are not common, ours is a grueling hour away from us. This really sucks, especially when you have 7am appointments! Still, our RE and his staff are fantastic and we feel lucky to have such great people on our side.
After speaking with the RE I was diagnosed with PCOS- poly cystic ovaries syndrome. This is a fairly common problem and after a battery of tests we found out that we are lucky enough to have no other problems. Our tests included multiple internal sonograms, an HSG test where they push dye through your fallopian tubes to ensure they are open (which was the most painful test BY FAR), blood work, and genetic testing. Caleb had blood work and a semen analysis done, which both came back normal.
We decided to spend the first several months working on my weight, which is much more than ideal. I went to a special nutritionist and gained a ton of helpful information. Unfortunately, it wasn't working so we decided to stop going after several months. Then, in June we started using medication to trigger ovulation. I take both Clomid and Ovidrel to accomplish this. That same month we did an in-utero insemination (IUI). It was extremely painful because my cervix was pointed in the wrong direction and they had to use forceps to move it. Ouch!
Obviously, it wasn't successful or I wouldn't still be typing. Sigh. We decided to keep pushing forward. Unfortunately, in July my ovaries overstimulated due to the drugs. This meant a higher risk of multiples. After hearing what selective reduction entailed, we made the difficult choice to cancel the IUI. Did you know that selective reduction isn't done until after the fetuses are 10 weeks old? At that point, the fetuses are fully-formed super-tiny babies? In order to abort the "extraneous" fetuses, they inject some sort of chemical into the fetuses that prevents them from continuing to grow. However, the fetuses remain in your uterus- along with the remaining, growing fetuses- and you eventually pass them when you give birth. Another sucky thing? This is NOT covered by insurance. With a price tag of $5,000-$8,000 we knew we couldn't take the risk.
September brought us new hope and new sorrows. The RE reduced my medication and I under stimulated. We decided to cancel because we didn't feel it was worth it. We had timed intercourse and waited to see what would happen. In the end, it was another negative.
That brings us to this month. I was feeling positive and we were prepared to try an IUI again. We got all the way to our appointment and Caleb started to have a panic attack. I think the stress and pressure of having to produce was too much for him. We ended up having to cancel our appointments and leave. So, this month will probably be another month wasted. This is the story of my life these days.
So far, this journey has been incredibly difficult- emotionally and physically for both myself and Caleb. It's tough to stay positive month after month when you repeatedly fail. Despite my growing pessimism I keep pushing forward. It's the only thing I can do- quiting is not an option. At least, not yet.
Please feel free to comment or share your own experiences if you are also going through or have gone through your own infertility story. I'm always looking for more people to receive support from and return it in kind.
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